We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
