I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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