the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
