why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
