Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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