Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
