toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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