WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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