somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
