I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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