I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
