Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
