I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
