it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
