A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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