I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
