this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
