Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
