I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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