That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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