I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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