I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
