Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Terrible idea I love it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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