PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
