would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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