Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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