Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
