Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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