it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
