Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
