Well apparently he's into motor boating.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
