You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
