I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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