it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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