Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
