I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
