she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
