i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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