everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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