I want to walk on stilts...naked
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
