i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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