something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
