Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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