And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just invented taco cereal.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
