So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
