____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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