Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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