please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
