nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
