It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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