I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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