My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
