I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize