Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
