Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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