i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
