Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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