btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
