Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
