You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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