I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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