Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
whose ass print is on the piano?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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