we made out on top of his cat.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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