This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
