i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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