Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
