She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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