My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
