i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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