I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
