Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He felt like a one man threesome
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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