Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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